A while back I ran a macro that removed everything I’d ever posted on Facebook. Felt like erasing memories. And that’s what it truly was. Did that make me feel better? No. Do I regret it? No.
But I do feel like I want to explain my thoughts. And that one cliché statement applies here: “It’s not you, it’s me.” Everything in my Facebook profile reminds me of the past. I can see the time when I had a job. I can see the time when I had ambition. And most of all I can see the time when I knew who I was. That is all gone.
I don’t want to forget my past. But in order to find out where I am and where I’m going, I just can’t have it with me. I will still keep my account, mainly for handling Solmuteoriaa Facebook Page, but I will refrain from using it any other way. If you know me, and want to contact me, you’ll find a way.
Issue with Facebook
I don’t condemn Facebook in any way. It is a great service. Like whole social media is, too. But for a guy who never really has had any true friends and is currently suffering from depression, social media is a really conflicting place to be a part of.
I’ve always chosen my list of friends in Facebook very carefully. I’ve had no problem removing someone from my list if all they’ve posted is complains and negativity. I don’t want that kind of attitude around me. And luckily I have also the power to choose which posts to see and which to hide.
But avoiding severe negativity does not solve all issues I have with FB. To be clear, I can genuinely feel happy for other peoples fortunes. I live my own life and that of others doesn’t affect that. But ‘living’… that’s exactly the point.
In Twitter, there is this kind of a disconnection since I can follow people without being friends with them and I don’t have to have any kind of emotional contact with them. But in Facebook I do have an emotional contact with each and everyone of you. Otherwise I would never have chosen you to be in my friends list in the first place. And that emotion, being as good as it is, screws with me.
I just can’t handle the emotion of being a friend to someone when I can’t be friends with myself.
What is a ‘friend’?
friend | /frɛnd/ | noun
1. a person with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically one exclusive of sexual or family relations.
How does one define a friend? More than an acquaintance but less than a soulmate? How many times does one need to meet someone to accept them as a friend? Or does that status have some other kind of a qualification?
Just take the first definition by Google on the right. Do you really have a ‘mutual affection’ with everyone you call as a friend? Sure there are wider definitions and everyone of us thinks differently. Not to mention different languages and how friends and mates are defined there.
Friendship needs emotions
I have a lot of statements that I think define a friend. They are not definitive and failing at one does not mean there is no friendship. These are just a few examples that might shed light on how I think.
You write ‘Happy birthday!’ on your mates wall because Facebook reminded you of that occasion. Disregarding FB, if you’d unexpectedly met them face-to-face knowing it’s their birthday, would you have congratulated?
Your mate writes on Facebook that they are having a very bad day. You reply with a heart emoticon to give support. Disregarding FB, if you’d unexpectedly met them face-to-face and they told you of their issues, would you have hugged them to give support?
Social media should supplement a friendship, not define it.
Just these two examples describe what my issue with Facebook is. It gives this false feeling that someone cares. At some level they for sure do, but I’m afraid it’s mostly due to the feeling of disconnection. It’s just so easy to write a supportive reply or give congratulations to someone you haven’t even met in years. But in reality, do those gestures have any kind of emotion behind them? You can not know. And that is the issue! Lack of true emotion!
Why I removed myself from Facebook
I felt, that Facebook gave me this false sensation of having friends. For sure it did gave a true sensation of having mates, pals, homies and so on, but in the midst of depression that feels just a charade.
In order to find myself and move forward, I need true emotions. I need emotions from myself to myself. I need emotions from those close to me.
FB can not give any of that. FB can only give a false sensation that blinds from the truth.