Irrational impossibility of making a decision

Making a decision is a rational process. There are always reasons why the decision should or should not be made. Those reasons may vary greatly depending on personality and the subject in question. Also reasons might not always be clear even to the one making the decision. They might come from the deepness of subconscious. But they are there.

Ultimately all that a decision requires, is trust. The more trust (or faith, or confidence) you have for yourself, the easier it is to make decisions. And the more easier it is to stand behind them. Then again, if you can’t stand behind your own decisions and have faith in them, were they real decisions in the first place?

When you have to make a choice and don’t make it, that is in itself a choice.
William James (1842–1910)

When you pick a pair of socks to wear for the day, you make a rational decision. Most of the time that decision happens so fast and is so obvious that you don’t even realize it was a decision.

  • It is winter choose warm socks
  • Going to work choose clean socks
  • Day off bare feet is fine

Irrationality of depression

Depression turns the rational process of making a decision into an irrational impossibility. The most evil thing about depression is the inability to define it. And it is most visible with simple everyday decisions.

I’ve had a panic attack when choosing which trousers (out of two) to put on. Making that decision was impossible and the irrationality of it was something I couldn’t handle. And the inability to make a decision is something that I face every single day. So trust me that I know what I’m talking about here.

When all trust, faith and confidence is ripped away from you and replaced with doubt, insecurity and shame, trying to choose those socks is more like:

  • It is winter choose warm socks but which are warm enough? what if they are too warm? the most warm socks are white but I have black trousers should I change trousers? but these trousers are warm but are they warm enough what if the weather changes?

It is irrational! There is no reason to start doubting everything in the world just for the sake of choosing socks! But that’s exactly what depression is. When all you can do is doubt yourself and question why you exist in the first place, how the hell should you be able to trust yourself to make the right decision?

Decide to make a decision!

Depression makes it impossible to make confident decisions. And despite how irrational that feels, it is the reality of it. But understanding is the first step to victory. So let’s try to start by deciding to make a decision.

Let’s decide to win.