Yesterday I had my first social talk with another person in last 1,5 years. That time frame seems so ridiculous but to be honest, time has very little meaning to me these days. It kinda feels like it has only been few months at most. But oh man what a difference talking to someone made!
Talking should be honest and open
I have few relatives close by. I have a wife. But all those relationships are so superficial only talking points are
– “Can you help carry this couch? / Could you do the groceries?”
– “Ok, done.”
And even those conversations happen maybe every other month.
Real conversation is something different entirely. That requires listening from both sides. It requires trust from both sides. It requires honesty and courage to be open. At its best it’s liberating, soothing and allows you to learn and understand new perspectives to your thoughts. And to life in general.
And it always makes you feel good.
Talking inside your head
Human mind works in mysterious ways. Even when you are alone. When you have no one to rely upon. When you have no friends, no relatives. Your only company is yourself. Even then, you are constantly talking. Just with yourself.
At times talking to yourself is necessary. Sometimes only you yourself can say to yourself what is wrong or what needs to change. Also more often than not, someone else trying to justify something to you, only ends up you not believing them. But if you justify it to yourself, there is no excuse that you can escape to.
Still this is very dangerous path if done too much. Your own mind is endlessly deep well that will suck you deeper and deeper if you let it. It is incredibly easy to start rationalizing things inside your own head. And sooner than you thought, you start actually believing in them. I’ve seen this happen close to me. And it can be impossible to drag that person away from their own mind.
But having said that I have no friends nor anyone to talk to, I myself am also subject to this curse. During these years I’ve done my best to separate myself from my thoughts. By playing games and lately doing a lot of crochet. Anything that I can be so involved that I don’t hear my own thoughts any more.
But escaping doesn’t solve anything. It will only makes things worse in the end. The only real way to deal with your thoughts is to talk to another person who listens.
Talking out loud
Even though “Go yell in the woods” is quite a cliche statement, it is not entirely false. A lot of pressure can actually be released by just yelling your problems aloud. Even if no one is there to hear it (and that might even be better). I think this is close to crying. It can help, even if you are alone.
But there is always a point when you need a friend. You need anyone to talk to. We are social beasts and we are not meant to be alone. Luckily most of us live in at least some kind of a welfare society that offers help to those who need it.
- Start a new hobby.
- Check your local mental health organization, they often have multiple ways to help loneliness.
- Use Tinder to find ‘someone to talk to’, it’s not just for dating.
- If a friend makes contact to you, don’t brush it off, they might not do it again.
- Relish those around you, never take anyone for granted.
So go out there. And someday, somehow, even you will find someone you can actually talk to.
That’s what I’m also trying, so let’s do it together.